I. A LIFELONG PERFORMANCE

It all starts with an empty stage... an empty space...

I can hear the music starting to play... building up its momentum. I can feel my heart beating fast, my body starts to tremble, and breathing becomes a very difficult task. Time seems to have lost all meaning. Every second feels like forever. Every beat feels like it will never end.

The spotlight focuses on me... I have to do this... I have to perform...

There are no take two's... no retries... All I have is this one opportunity...this one chance to impress...

As the first note resonates in the air, my mouth starts to sing the words that only experience could have written, music that only time itself could have composed. My body follows a choreography that I cannot remember learning but feels like the most natural thing in the world...

Everything was perfect... until it wasn't...

GASPS... I could hear gasps from the audience. I could hear the whispering of hateful words. I could hear laughter... laughter mocking me for my mistakes... for my failure...

I could have walked away... it was the easiest and most natural thing to do in the situation... But I stayed, I stood up and picked up where I left. I cannot undo my mistakes... but I can continue and do even better than I once did. I might have fallen temporarily, but at least now, I have wisdom and experience guiding me throughout the rest of my performance... so whatever happens, THE SHOW MUST ALWAYS GO ON.

PROLOGUE

Dreams, Aspirations, Frustrations, Goals, Ambitions... abstract concepts that fuel a person's drive to live a happy fulfilled life. 

The moment we became conscious of our existence, we started setting goals for ourselves - we started thinking ahead. The problem is, we tend to plan our lives in a straight unilinear path as if everything is constant - a given; but as much as we try to convince ourselves that our future is clear and intact, reality makes it a point that we know otherwise. We encounter bumps, we get side tracked, and at times we are pushed towards a different direction.

I am (or used to be) a person with a very idealistic concept of life. When someone asks me what/who I wanted to be in the future, without hesitation I would answer: "A DOCTOR". I used to have this well-scheduled life plan laid out in my head, which includes the pre-med course I am to take, when I am to graduate, etc. Obviously, the plan was shattered. I forgot to take account of the externalities that may come into play as soon as I am out of the sheltered life of High School. The realization that my future isn't as intact as I thought it would be was devastating to say the least. But I knew that I had to do something, I just can't stand there and watch my life fall to pieces; so decisions had to be made -  some I’m proud of, some I'll regret. But at the end of the day I cannot change the past, but I can let go and start my future. I know that I’m smart, I’m talented, I’m working my way towards being physically fit, and most importantly I have people who loves me standing by me. So whatever happens, I am not afraid to face tomorrow... not anymore...